Reality sets in

Here is the latest and greatest on my new adventure.

This week was a big one. I completed my transition. I have my CA license, converted my car registration and have my brand new CA license plates on my Jeep. I paid my rent for the first time and also received my notice reminding me that I have to decide what I'm going to do about my living conditions before June 15th since I only signed a 3 month lease.

Not only did all that life stuff happen, but I completed my first full week in my new job. Yep. For the first time in a month, I spent 5 straight days in the office focused on one thing. Okay, lots of little things but all focused on this one job, in this one place. And I can feel it. It's starting to catch up with me. Everything moved so quickly during the month of March and April. It was a whirlwind. More like a Tornado. One that picked me up out of Kansas and dropped me in Oz. Or Wonderland. (Where is that darned white rabbit?)

Here I am, plopped in the middle of Southern California and I'm finally starting to feel all the change. Now, I love change. Huge fan of it but change is uncomfortable and unsettling no matter how much you enjoy it. It's like hot sauce or Habanero Peppers that way. You can enjoy them with your food. Even enjoy large quantities and astound your friends but at some point you will have had enough and you will  experience the unmistakable side effects. 

My brain and body are telling me I've overindulged on life changes and am experiencing the side effects. I'm feeling the void that I've created. I needed to create this void. It's where growth is going to happen but it's unmistakable and very uncomfortable. I wouldn't say painful, just uncomfortable and we all know that us American's are very adept at avoiding the uncomfortable. We have entire industries dedicated to ensuring our comfort at every moment. Well, I've decided to let myself feel uncomfortable. To appreciate the experience and just let it happen, whatever comes. How often in life do you get to revel in these kinds of feelings without any real trauma or consequence? It's kind of indulgent when you think about it. I get the benefit of feeling all these feelings of my own making without any apologies for it or any fear of anything bad coming from it.

I'm working on identifying the feelings so I can remember them for storytelling later. (Everything in life should lead to a good story, especially if the feeling is true and you embellish to make the story even better. Stories are like jokes that way. The best ones have a thread of truth in them.)

Mostly I'm missing everyone. Oh, I know your all still out there and I'm so thankful for Facebook, texting and email. Funny thing, most of you I never got to see very often anyway and some of you I actually chat with more now than ever but it's still change and it's still uncomfortable and I'm still feeling what I'm feeling. And I guess that's the point to all of this... I'm feeling things now that I haven't felt in a long time. Loss, excitement, sadness, anticipation... everything. I'm feeling everything, all at once. It's like I've been running as fast as I can for so long that now that I've slowed to change my course, everything is gaining on me and I'm a little overwhelmed by it all.

Maybe that's the way to explain it best... taking on a new workout regimen that works completely different muscles in a different way. You might get through the first time or two just fine but a couple of days later your body reminds you why you needed the change... oh, the aches and cramps in places you didn't know existed. You know it's the creation of new muscles in new places and it'll transform you and make you even stronger but your going to be uncomfortable for a while.