New Adventures in Food Making

Really? Has it been over a month since I've written? How can that be? Well, the stats don't lie and they say I've been absent for 6 WEEKS. Time flies, eh?

So much has happened in 6 weeks but rather than go through the history, let me tell you about the present.

Today I made homemade mozzarella for the first time.

I knew it was crazy easy but just hadn't gone down that path. I really need to learn to trust myself and just jump. 99% of the time, I realize that most common things are pretty darned easy and the convenience of the grocery store has just made us lazy.

Mozzarella is definitely on the "no brainer" list. A couple of ingredients need to be sought out but with the internet and natural food stores, they aren't difficult to find if you just look.

You'll need citric acid and rennet. My rennet was in tablet form.

Dissolve the citric acid in a cup of "Britta" water. You need to get the chlorine out so it doesn't interfere with the chemistry.

Dissolve 1/4 tablet rennet in 1/2 cup of "Britta" water. (Same reason. It's about the cheese reaction, not a reaction with this chemicals).

Pour 1 gallon of milk (I used Whole) in a big ass pot and put a thermometer in there. Note - I'm told you can't use UHT or Ultra Pasteurized milk because the super high heat has already denatured the proteins and they won't make curds. I haven't tried it myself but it does make sense from a chemistry perspective.

As I was saying... pour 1 gallon of milk into a big ass pot and stir in the citric acid solution. Heat the big ass pot over Med/Low heat until it reaches 90F. (It's critical you use a thermometer.) Don't walk away. This goes pretty quick. You'll want to stir it every minute or so to keep the heat even and prevent scorching.

When it hits 90F, pour in the rennet. Don't stir. Kind of bob a big slotted spoon up and down around the pan to get things mixed well but you don't want to prevent curd formation at this point. Bob it around in there for 30 seconds or so.

Keep heating the big ass pot to 105F. (Make sure you're watching your thermometer). You're going to see it clumping up. Keep bobbing around to keep the heat even in the pot but try not to disturb the curds too much.

Once it hits 105F, remove from the heat and let sit a minute or so.

Using your slotted spoon (or I used a small handheld strainer), remove the curds to a heat resistant microwave safe bowl. (I used a big glass mixing bowl.) You can dump the whey down the drain.

Yes, Miss Muffett, you just made curds and whey!!  The curds will continue to drain the whey. Just keep pouring it off as it pools.

Microwave the curds for 1 minute on 50% power.
Take them out, drain and stir gently. You're just trying to prevent hot spots. You want it all one temperature.

Put them back in the microwave and heat again for 30 seconds at full power.
Take them out, drain and stir gently. Check the temp. We're shooting for 135F so they will "melt" and you can make a big smooth ball out of them.

If your close, keep heating for 30 seconds at a time. My batch took a total of 3 heatings (1 min, 30 sec and 30 sec).

Add 1 1/2 tsp of cheese salt. (Looks like non-iodized table salt to me. Next time I'm trying Kosher flakes instead) Using 2 spoons, fold the cheese over on itself like you're kneading bread. You're trying to get the salt evenly distributed in the cheese. The cheese will wrap itself nicely in to a ball. Drain any left remaining whey, place in a bowl, cover and refrigerate.

You can eat warm if you like but letting it set is better.

The cheese should be pretty loose, like you would expect fresh mozzarella to be. The more you heat and work it, the more stringy it's going to get.

Next time, I'm going to try adding herbs at the stretching stage. I'm also going to see how much stretching it will take and how stringy I can possibly get it. For that, I'll probably get some plastic gloves and really pull it like Taffy until I get my own version of string cheese.

Mine is in the fridge right now. I'll update with the verdict soon.

Enjoy!!

The Future is Coming...

The Future is Coming... 

Duh... of course it is. Blink, there it is. Blink again, yet more. You know that's not what I mean, although it's a funny way to look at it. 

I mean yet more change is coming. More change to our lifestyles, to our culture, to everything we do and the ways we do it. 

Here's today's example... 

I subscribe to two magazines. 

Both I receive in hard copy, but not by choice.

I receive the first one in hard copy because it was the only way to get it digitally on my iPad. Last year when I subscribed, there was no option to just receive the digital version. I thought that would certainly change by the time I had to renew. Not the case. In order to get it digitally, I have to receive the paper version. Now how dumb is that? How much more profitable would they be if they let me buy what I want to, and only what I want to? 

I should receive a discounted rate for not requiring them to print it, haul it to the post office, have someone fly/drive it all over the country, the post office deliver it to my PO box and my wasted time and $'s to go pick it up once a month. I should charge them back for requiring all that wasted time and energy when all I do is give away the printed version because I've already downloaded and read the digital copy 2 weeks earlier. 

The second one I also receive in hard copy by mistake. I bought a Living Social deal and thought it said I could get the print or digital version. Unfortunately, the print version is what the offer was for. It's also time to renew and I wasn't going to until today when they sent me a link to convert the remainder of my existing subscription over to digital and extend it for another year for a good price. Ahhh... someone who is starting to get it. I don't need both, I barely need the digital version cause I really only want to read what I want to read and skip the rest. 

Then it hit me... that's the answer. 

Let me buy what I want to, when I want to. 

With the economic correction and Wall Street sucking out as much capital (cash) as it possibly could from what remains, everyone is looking to return to profitability. There are two ways to get there - save more (efficiency and optimization) and make more (sell people what they want). 

What's more profitable than digital delivery of knowledge based information? But why do I have to buy the whole thing? Why can't I just by the articles that I want to read and save for later? A different take on the subscription model. If it's good enough to keep, it has value enough to be paid for. If I read it and find it lacking, I shouldn't have to pay for it and it disappears forever. 

Let me buy what I want to, when I want to. 

Articles, books, songs, etc. Why aren't magazines and newspapers chopping themselves into smaller pieces like iTunes has done with music? Why would they be viewed separately anymore? They are just information service providers of different types. They can serve up their segments in an iTunes type format either as compilation like full albums and TV seasons or in parts and pieces like single songs and single episodes. Only the popular versions survives and are profitable. The marketplace gives signals and people will adapt to compete in these spaces where others are finding success. Makes perfect sense. 

Let me buy what I want to, when I want to. 

Once the information service providers are on board, we apply it to text books, non-fiction books, etc. I hate buying a gigantic text or "how-to" book on a new subject only to use 10 - 20% of it. Makes me crazy. Text books are super heavy, super large and super expensive. I know services have started to make renting them easier or buying them used and more affordable. Those services have been around forever in different formats but really aren't very efficient or effective. 

Now imagine that I only bought the chapter, section or passages that I needed to keep for the test or reference? Imagine that I only bought the "for Dummies" section of the book that pertained to my specific job, issue or challenge? Cheaper yes but more importantly, I'm only buying what I want to, when I want to.

The future is coming and it is going to include more segmentation, more customization, more end user focus and it will be eliminating a huge chunk of unnecessary middle men. 

Bad Customer Experiences

I think my next blog will be a place for all to come and vent about bad customer service. It's rampant here in the So. Cal. There are so many people in a small space that they really don't have to compete and therefore really don't have to try. It's pathetic. This is not reality.

But more on that in a future entry (or as the opening to a whole new blog).

I have two issues tonight.

1.)  ATT Internet - I pay a premium to have fast internet with a large GB download capacity. Everything I do is Internet based so I pay extra to be able to have all my devices lightening fast on demand. But recently I'm on slow down mode. Interruptions to all my devices, consistently. Not like a momentary thing. It's on going. And the beauty... my Blu-Ray player shows me how slow the connection gets. It stalls out along the way, hitting zero and killing everything I'm playing with. Not cool and not worth a premium. They're getting a phone call.

2.)  Hallmark.com - This site should be very cool. In theory, I should be able to load it up with all my card-appropriate events and schedule e-cards to be sent up to a year out to whomever I want. Yes, there's a subscription fee and I would gladly pay it if the dang thing worked. (Yes, I did pay it and the site sucks so bad, I'm asking for my money back.) Their interface is klunky and buggy. The scheduler doesn't work, the calendar entry system doesn't work, the FB posting doesn't work and if you hit the backspace key while typing, it goes back a page. Not just erases the error you just made, erases everything and backs up an entire page. Bad, bad programming and a HUGE disappointment from a company I always thought of as the top of the heap.

I also downloaded their 2 iPhone apps. One is a glorified commercial. Don't bother. What a waste.
The other allows you to create cards right on your phone. Insert photos, sign your name... cool concepts. But then they charge you 4 dollars to print and mail it. What I really want is to post it to FB, send it via email or text it. Who wants to wait for it to be printed and mailed? Again, so much promise and so disappointing.

There is an untapped market in this space... one just waiting for someone to create a pay as you go or subscription model to be able to manage your card giving duties via your phone, on demand or scheduled out up to a year. It's worth $10 - $20 per year to have this service. So sad that Hallmark missed it big time.

What other companies, services have disappointed you recently? Drop me a line and let me know. Might be just the kick in the pants I need to start my next blog.

A few of my favorite things...

This weekend was about being domestic. A quiet weekend sandwiched between bursts of activity. A weekend filled with cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. A weekend filled with extreme productivity which I often find more relaxing than any vacation I've ever had.

But this blog entry is different than those in the past.

This one has recipes. Yummy recipes.
Okay... links to other peoples recipes.
Food is like art. I know what I like and I'm not afraid to try anything and everything under the sun. No ingredient is too expensive to try once (in a tiny amount) and no item too exotic to order if only for the story.

So here are this weeks adventures in cooking. Let me know if you try them, how they turned out and how you would make them better next time.

Ranch Dressing - Thanks to The Pioneer Woman Blog

I'll never buy the packaged stuff again. Not in a bottle (yuck) or in a green and white envelope. Simple, easy, cheap... all my favorite attributes in a recipe.

My advice, be sure to chop the parsley very fine. Next time, I'll try using a food processor.

Honey-Wheat Pizza Dough - Thanks to California Pizza Kitchen

Homemade Pizza

This has been my favorite pizza dough recipe for many, many years. I use a bread machine to make it perfect everytime. I usually top it with simple ingredients (sun-dried tomatoes and artichoke hearts are two of my fav's) and bake it in the toaster oven. Makes a large dough ball that I keep in the fridge for quick weeknight dinners. Pair with a salad... yum.

Margarita with Raspberry Thyme Syrup

Raspberry-Thyme Syrup - Thanks to Real Simple Magazine but no link. (bummer).

So easy. 1/2 cup berries, couple of sprigs of fresh time, cup of sugar, cup of water. Stir. Bring to boil. (Stir so it doesn't boil over.) When it starts to thicken, turn off and cool for an hour. Strain. Keep in glass container in fridge for a couple of weeks - but it won't last that long. Great addition to traditional margaritas.

I was skeptical about the thyme. Smelled like Thanksgiving but it was just the right touch to cut the sweetness of a pre-made margarita in a bottle. Lots of room to experiment with this one.

Infused Tequila - Again, thanks to Real Simple Mag but no link.

Not your boyfriends hooch

I tried 2 variations - Habanero and Meyer Lemon. (Separate but might be good together. Try it and let me know.)

Easy... 2 cups silver tequila in a mason jar. Add your infusers.

For Habenero - 2 peppers split.
For Meyer Lemon - The peel of one lemon, quartered. (I squeezed the juice for another recipe.)
Put the lid on the jar and then let set for 5 - 10 days. Try it every day until you reach the desired flavor. (That in itself makes this one a lot of fun.) I just started mine on Sat so I'll report the (hiccup) outcome next weekend.


For more food related info - you can follow my other blog, "Fabulous Food Blog".
Even better, become a contributor, play along and share your own recipes and insights.

S.

Looking for a Leader

Mental Floss is one of my favorite FB links as well as a fun magazine. It challenges my daily perceptions and reminds me that things didn't just happen. They've evolved over time.

Today, they posted the following on FB...

On this date in 1776, the Continental Congress officially adopted the name "United States," replacing "United Colonies."

I know it seems inoccuous at first but it makes me realize all the political ideology thrown around about the founding fathers and what they intended is all BULL SHIT. They are playing on our collective ignorance knowing that we won't check their facts. And if we're not going to hold them accountable, why should they put any effort into being factual? We're buying what they are selling simply because they are offering it, not because we need it or understand the consequences of our decisions. It's like someone offering you to turn left or right when you really need to go straight. Unfortunately, we aren't offered the option so we don't take a minute to realize what we really need isn't even on the table and we should say no to both and continue on our merry way. It's a collective and cultural issue we're dealing with and until that is addressed, nothing else will get better.

But I digress...

There was a reason the US and our form of government was called an "experiment" when the framework was originally put into place. It took the pressure off of trying to be "right" out of the shoot. It gave us room to evolve and change as the needs of the new found country evolved and changed.

I'm tired of hearing how the founding fathers "intended" something. That's BS. They made it up as they went along and left plenty of room to make mistakes and learn from them. We've lost sight of that... the ability to fail and recover. Everyone is so busy judging everything and everyone with the intent of being "right". There is no right. There is only right now and tomorrow it will change. That's how life works - personally and politically.

I'm so tired of the media spewing hot air saying nothing. Those people are running a business and their business is to get viewers so they can get advertisers so they can cash big paychecks. I know it sounds cynical but it's true. None of them is doing it to inform or educate. If they were, their facts would be checked, their statements would have sound logic and accurate context and they would be trying to dialog and discuss with the other side instead of yelling, screaming and name calling. They all deserve time-out's like the children they are emulating. What ever happened to asking more questions designed to understand the other persons perspective? What happened to putting yourself in the other guys shoes?

I'm looking for a leader but there don't seem to be any emerging. I say screw them all. Let's lead ourselves for a change. You lead you and those that you influence everyday. I'll do the same. Lead by example. Think bigger than ever before. Hold yourself to a higher standard. That is the only change I can believe in.

Retirement planning

One of the drawbacks of leaving a 20 year career with a single employer is dealing with your retirement account. Do you leave it in the existing 401(k) account, roll it over to a Roth or break it into a myriad of other investment options hoping to beat the S&P 500 between now and when you'd actually like to start using the money?

Well, let me tell you what I have learned along the way. Going to the retirement planner is a lot like going to the doctor. No matter how much you've been working at it, you're not exercising enough, need to lose more weight and they are going to draw blood before you can go home. I've just come to accept it. It's never good news and they always want more... and want to charge you for the pleasure of making you feel like you can't "there" from here, wherever "there" is.

That's the first problem... they always ask you when you want to retire. Duh... yesterday, of course. Apparently, it's possible if I'm willing to live on $1.65 a month until the IRS, etc says I can have the bulk of my retirement savings without giving them the mandatory extortion size chunk they demand. So, I guess somewhere between 59 1/2 and 67 is a good place to start.

Next they ask what your living expenses are going to be when you retire. Really? Can you tell me what the price of gas, coffee and housing is going to be in 15 to 20 years? Can you tell me what they are going to be next year? Didn't think so. I don't know, grab a dart and pick something. What I do know, no matter what I pick, you're going to tell me it's still not enough when adjusted for inflation. If I wanted to feel bad about something, I can pick just about any body part and ruminate on how flat, flabby or discolored it is now that I'm middle aged. Sheesh.

Last, they ask you to assume the "financial position" and give your bank accounts a colonoscopy. No matter what they find, it's never be enough. They instantly tell you they need more of today's paycheck to bridge the growing chasm created by the sluggish economy, falling stock prices, deflation... you pick one. I think they need to bridge the growing chasm in their own paychecks with the fees generated by moving your accounts around.

Cynical? Me? Okay, yes, I am getting more and more jaded and cynical as I get older and have to deal with all of this. They don't make it easy or pleasant which is fine but I come away with the sense that they are only in it for themselves. (There I go again...)

Scary part... I'm in a better financial position than most. No debt. No dependents. And I live well below my means. I started saving money in college and started my 401(k) the minute they let me... in my early 20's. I had a generous match program and once I joined management, they made a nice voluntary contribution every year that helped accelerate it's growth. If I'm feeling confused and overwhelmed by the process, what about others who were not as fortunate or disciplined as I was? I can only imagine their frustration. No wonder so many people take the easy way out in these situations... and do nothing. It's daunting and feels like a no-win situation cause you feel like it's all just a crap shoot to begin with.

So what's my plan? I've disclosed every bump, bruise and pimple on my financial derrière and the retirement planner is reviewing my position (face down on the slab is how I feel). Next week I get the verdict and the financial sentence... and the bill, I'm sure.

Stay tuned.

Still transitioning

It's been 4 months in my new job and the transition continues. This weekend has been focused on getting myself organized and more settled into my new life.  (Dealing with the retirement account is a post in itself - another post at another time.)

Looking back, it's hard to believe all the things that have happened in 4 months. All the changes and adjustments that had to be made along the way and I'm still getting used to things. Someone told me that it takes a full year to understand a new job or truly feel comfortable in a new environment. That first year is full of first everything in that new place and adapting takes time.

So what am I learning in all of this... change takes time and there isn't a graceful way to blow up your life, change everything and grow as a human being. By definition, it can't be. I set off on this adventure to challenge myself while I still had the energy and before I was fully assimilated by the borg. (It was a close call, let me tell you.) I needed to shake everything up and see where it all settled out. What I'm capable of. What it feels like to down size, cut ties with who you always thought you were and go discover who you could really be. You can't change and stay the same.

So I'm learning to embrace the highs and the lows. The fun and the challenges. Most of all, I'm learning to be proud of myself for taking a chance on me. For putting trust in myself and my capabilities. For investing in me and demanding more of myself than just going with the flow or doing what is easy or comfortable.

Those are difficult things to acknowledge. I've always been taught to think of others first and put myself second. Like many of us I was taught that being proud of myself was wrong. Pride is a sin, remember. You don't want to get a big head. Someone will come and take what you have or knock you off your pedestal. No one will want to be around you when your full of yourself. Yada, yada, yada.

Well, here's what I've come to learn. It's not pride that they are referring to. Arrogance, entitlement and  conceit are better descriptions of that warning. Maybe the word "pride" has come to mean something different now than when it was originally penned. But it's the judgement that comes with those characteristics that is the most damaging. In arrogance, entitlement and conceit, you're judging others. Unfortunately, when you're unable to feel proud, that judgement gets turned inward instead. This is so much more damaging and dangerous. Sadly, many of us were raised this way as children so it's all we know. Anything different feels uncomfortable and wrong.

So I am starting here and now by stating this in writing - I am proud of myself for making myself uncomfortable and letting myself learn that it's okay to be proud of me. (If that makes any sense.) It's okay to acknowledge my accomplishments and feel proud of my contributions. And it's okay to continue to build on those accomplishments and successes and grow into new and different phases of my life and who I'm destined to become. We all have gifts and to make yourself feel smaller just so others can feel bigger is wrong. Wrong for someone to impose such a thing on you. More wrong for you to allow it to continue to be imposed.

All of that after 4 months. Imagine what #5 is going to bring?

You are...

...what you eat.
...what you do.
...what and who you surround yourself with.

Don't like something in your life?
Change the "what's" and everything else will follow.

Change them one small step at a time. Tiny barely noticeable changes can start the train rolling. All others get easy after that.

Keep going.

Doesn't happen overnight but you'll be surprised at quick it happens.

One promise - change nothing and you'll get more of the same.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What? No page views this month?
Well, maybe it's because I haven't written anything.
I don't mean that I haven't written anything note worthy.
I've literally written NOTHING.

It's not like I don't have anything to say. I've got opinions. Lots of opinions on a huge variety of topics but I'm just being lazy. Maybe it's because AT&T conned me into getting cable and I've been sucked into their world of mind numbing "entertainment".

Some of my discoveries:

Charlie Sheen's new show Anger Management is awful. I really liked him better when he was crazy. In this, he plays the therapist. While I appreciate the irony, it's just not funny when he's the sane one.

Sullivan & Son has it's moments but again, pretty flat. Background noise at best.

I watched all previous seasons of Weeds via Netflix. This season, the shows last, I'm watching weekly via Showtime. I like the Netflix way better. I can rip through the entire season in a couple  of weekends and move on. Dragging this out week after week, 24 minutes at a time is a bummer. The show is okay but has gotten quite predictable. They're winding down and it's not too soon.

Episodes is new to me. I'm watching via Showtime On Demand. Well, watching is too strong a word. I've seen a few episodes. Being new to S. CA, it's fun to watch this show make fun of this place. It's one of those shows that makes fun of itself and it's own industry. Good when there isn't anything else on.

As you can see, I've been spending too much time in front of the TV. Mostly watching while I work or while riding my stationary bike. Probably time to take my bike outside instead or find another place to hang out with the laptop and catch up on email.

Maybe then my brain will wake up and I'll start writing again.
And Blogger will have page views to report.

Sunny Sunday Afternoon

It's a wonderfully warm and sunny Sunday in Southern California. 

I've decided it's a good use of time to sit on the patio and write. About what? I haven't decided so let's see where these ramblings wander off to. 

First, I've been at my job 2 months now. Amazing to feel the differences in myself and see the differences in my team. We're starting to gel and people are getting used to my "hair on fire" way of doing things. It was uncomfortable for everyone at first but we're all starting to adapt. When I look back over the last several weeks, it's astounding the amount of accomplishments that we've gotten under our belt. And still a bit daunting when I look at all the work that still lays ahead of us. 

All in all, I'm adjusting very quickly to living in the sun and at a start up. The work load is less than I was used to at Costco but there are no systems so that makes everything take so much longer. We have to build it all as we go. Ten years ago, it was the same in my old job so I have no fear that this too will smooth out as we build the systems and processes needed to manage things more efficiently. 

Mostly what I love about this new opportunity is that there are no rules, no systems, nothing in the way of being innovative and efficient. We're just running at top speed and trying things along the way. Nobody has all the answers and to most questions we're facing, there aren't any. You can't judge it as good or bad, just a lot to be done. 

Once those systems are procedures are built, then I can get down to the next task at hand which is building a social structure. I'm evolving so quickly into the next version of myself, I wouldn't fit anywhere right now anyway. It's a good time to be me because I have my whole future in front of me. How many times in life do you get to do that? I've had more than my share, that much I know. 

Alicia Keyes has a great song called "like the last time" or something like that. A love song, she's singing that every moment should be treated like the last time because you never know what tomorrow will bring. That's how I'm living right now. Like everything I do is for the last time. This could be my last "starting over" even though I doubt it. That's not who I am. The new product we're launching could be the last one or the new customer could be the last one so each has to be chased and approached fully in the moment, fully engaged and pursued with everything we have just in case. You don't want to waste the opportunity just because you think another might come right behind it. That's a big departure from a very large, global corporation. Here... you take nothing for granted. It's all effort and if you don't do it and do it well, it won't get done right and may not get done at all. There is no calvary coming behind you to finish the tasks you don't want to . There's no back up team or person to pass it along to so you can go on the trip, or vacation or take some time off over the weekend. 

In this small biz world, the calendar becomes irrelevant. The only difference between Saturday and Wednesday is on Saturday you work from home in your shorts or the patio at Starbucks vs Wednesday when you do it from the office. Even that is becoming less relevant. With all the digital tools at our disposal, I can pretty much work any time from any where - and do. I use the weekdays for being there in person for team building purposes and in person meetings in the office.  Anything that I don't have to do in the office gets done when the team has gone home or I do it from my couch at night while catching up on my Daily Show episodes. It's what works for me. The team knows they can have all my time and attention during the weekdays. About 4 pm, I start to focus on all my own to-do's as the others wind down to head home. My most productive hours are between 4 and 6 pm when I'm basically alone in the office. Or after that on my couch if need be. 

Well, this post is really without a point. Just a bunch of iced latte induced ramblings while my right arm gets fried in the 80F sunshine. Next week is KY and IN. The following week I head to Seattle as a visitor for the first time in over 15 years. June is going to finish out quite nicely - and very interestingly. 

The Pilgrims and the Pioneers

I needed this.

This change, I needed it badly.

And I knew it.

For a long time.

And I fought the very thing I needed while I was pushing myself to make it happen.

Anyone in my age bracket will remember the old Doctor Doolittle movie with Rex Harrison. In that movie there was an animal called "Pushmi-pullu" (Yes, Push Me - Pull U).  In essence, I was doing this to myself...

...trying to get somewhere while tethered to all "they" wanted and wanted me to be. But this story isn't about them. They did me a great service by making my chain so small and refusing to acknowledge that I'd outgrown my cage. I was stuck in the very small world I'd created for myself and needed to move on. Like anything else in life... the idea is easy. The details to do it right take some time, a lot of planning and a huge amount of energy and persistance.

Imagine the energy it takes to move something BIG. An airplane, a cruise ship, etc. Now think of everything in your life and imagine how much energy it undo everything with minimal disruption to those around you. Seriously. Everything you do is linked to everyone you do it with. It's called "the Web" for a reason. Work, family, friends, church, other social clubs and groups... your bank, your doctor, your dentist, your hairdresser. Your decisions effect them, big or small, and I owed it to them to plan my exit in a way that gave everyone time to adjust along the way so we were all ready.

Now multiply that energy by 2.5 or 3 because as everyone who has undertaken a home remodel knows, the demolition is actually the easy and fun part. It goes very quickly and motivates you to finish cause it leaves a blank canvas behind. Of course, the real work is putting it all back together in the way you want it, on time and with as little disruption to those around you as possible.

Unlike a home remodel, big life changes like this one has to all be done at the exact same time your demolishing your current life You have to find a replacement for all those important things in a foreign place where you don't know anyone. You haven't established a tribe or a social base yet. You're alone in the forest without any guide, map or compass. Lost. Yes... scared but you can't let that stop you.

You just keep going... a new place to live and then another new place to live, a new doctor, dentist and a new hairdresser. (The latter almost being the hardest of the 3, right girls?) Everything is trial and error and most of the first assumptions you make are wrong so you have to spend more energy changing again and again until the pieces finally fit. Until you have enough new experience in this new place that you achieve "familiarity" and can make really good decisions quickly based on past experience.

As long as your moving, you don't really notice how uncomfortable you've become or how exhausted you are. You're so focused and overwhelmed that you just deal with one moment at a time. That's all you can manage. This task in this moment because to see anything beyond is just too much and you might just give up. It feels like a tsunami and if you stop running, it will drown you. If you try to deal with anything more than surviving this moment and then the next, the exhaustion and the fear of the unknown will catch up to you. So you avoid all that and just deal with right now.

Until the quiet time comes.

In the rare quiet moments when you're not making a decision or making something happen, in that very rare space that you take your breath and get a glimpse of how far you've come and how far you have to go... you stop, take a breath and reality sets in with a healthy dose of fear.

You've come an incredible way. A world away from where you were. Way, way too far away to turn back now and you know that "there" doesn't hold anything. It was uncomfortable when you left, it's not going to fit any better if you go back and you've already learned so much that it would be even smaller and ill fitting than when you left. Not to mention the disappointment you would have in yourself for giving up so soon. No, to go back would be pointless. You aren't that version of you anymore, "there" isn't the same version of "there" anymore. A lot like your first semester at college.  Your trip home at Christmas is a little familiar but still not the same because you're not the same person anymore. The more time away, the less familiar it seems. That's what they mean by "you can't go Home". Not that you physically can't return but it's never the same place as when you left.

All of that understanding makes it easy to just keep pushing forward but in those rare quiet moments all you have to focus on is the possibilities in front of you. No map, no direction. A vague idea of what you're heading into. All the options are there and with those options come the excitement and fear of knowing that you're recreating yourself and your future. In those rare quiet moments, you feel the gigantic enormity of what you've done and you allow yourself to start feeling it. Just for a moment because it can't take over and stall you in your journey. You can only indulge yourself for a minute and let yourself truly feel everything for a moment - joy, pride and excitement with a sobering side of fear.

It makes me think of the Pilgrim's leaving England for the great new world or the Pioneers opening the Western United States. Both were amazing and courageous groups of people but so very different in motivation and the levels of risk taking.

The Pilgrims were so miserable that they gave up everything for opportunity to do things their way.  They headed out to the great unknown without any understanding of what they were getting themselves into. They were fleeing something so uncomfortable, so miserable that it was preferable to be trapped on small ships, heading to remote and undiscovered places risking everything they had and knew to cross the ocean without a way home. When they got on the boat, they had to be committed to this change because there was no option for turning back. Whatever they head into, they were going to have to stay and live that way for the rest of their lives, regardless of what they found when they got there.

The Pioneers were different. The Pioneers knew there was a world to discover that would allow them the opportunity to strike out on the their own and discover their own fortunes.They had home bases in the East. Theoretically, they could return. Not easily but the option, albeit remote, was there. They knew the opportunities of a new, young country were there for the taking and while they didn't know what they were going to find along the way, they had a good idea of the basics they were going to need to take with them. Incredibly brave. An amazing choice in life to take off for adventures unknown.

I'm not as brave as either of those groups. We live in the 21st century. Nothing in this world is that daunting to be compared to what either group ventured or achieved.

What I am is uncomfortable,

in the way I need to be,

to grow in the way I need to,

while I discover for myself what is next

and what I'm truly capable of.

I needed this.

The Great Beer Hunt

Jump over to the tresfabfood blog and check out the Great Beer Hunt Map.
Stay tuned as I try to find the best microbrew in the area.

http://tresfabfood.blogspot.com/2012/06/great-beer-hunt.html

Really? Over a week already?

I can't believe it's been over a week since my last post. And the last post was about scheduling time to blog more. How dumb?

The strange part about living in Wonderland (and yes, I do feel like Alice most of the time) is that it starts to feel normal after a while. It's like a really good landscape painting on a distant wall. Your brain will fool you into believing it's real until you catch a glimpse of the world just beyond the edge. As long as you stay focused on the middle of the painting, it's easy to forget you aren't wherever that painting says you are.

Guess I've been living too close to the center of the painting recently. I've lost all perspective and was starting to forget that this is just another landscape.

More to come...

Scheduling

I might need to set myself a reminder to blog.
Or better yet, to finish the blog and post it.

I just found 2 incomplete, unposted blogs in my list. Interesting stuff but those neural pathways must have died because I can't seem to remember the point I was trying to make. (The smart ass in my head says that I never make a point but I'm ignoring him for now.)

I've downloaded the app "BlogPress" onto my iPad so that should make things easier. It lets me blog easily from anywhere.  I just need to make it a priority. When I'm on my iPad, I'd rather be playing Words With Friends or checking out Facebook. You know, the easy stuff. Don't underestimate how important that stuff is. It's how I stay connected to many of my friends all over the world. I guess that's the interesting conundrum in all of this. It feels like fun but it's really an important stitch in my social structure.

The digital world has sucked so many of us in that we might actually have closer relationships to people living in distant geographies than those who live next door or down the street. I chat with many of you more on Facebook than I ever would otherwise. We get to see the events in each others lives that would go unknown because we don't have transporters and can't be everywhere at once.

You can't judge it as good or bad but can only observe that it is. It's part of our changing culture and is making the world bigger and smaller at the exact same time. I guess that's what makes it an interesting time.

In old books, movies, radio programs (when radio had programs) you would hear things about it being an interesting time. Every decade, every historic event, every cultural milestone happened at an "interesting time". Every generation thought the one before it sucked and was going to do it different. Every generation thinks future generations are lazy and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. But that's the beauty of experience, education (formal and informal) and perspective. You realize that it's all normal. It's the same at it's core. It's just managing change. Some are better than others at it. Some accept it faster. Some won't even try and will actually do everything in their power to try to stop it from happening. A lot like trying to stop the sun from rising or setting but if that's what drives them to get up every morning, go for it.

To them I say - please don't try to use your brake pads on me and I won't inflict my ability to drive like speed racer over you.

Off to schedule blogging time.

Reality sets in

Here is the latest and greatest on my new adventure.

This week was a big one. I completed my transition. I have my CA license, converted my car registration and have my brand new CA license plates on my Jeep. I paid my rent for the first time and also received my notice reminding me that I have to decide what I'm going to do about my living conditions before June 15th since I only signed a 3 month lease.

Not only did all that life stuff happen, but I completed my first full week in my new job. Yep. For the first time in a month, I spent 5 straight days in the office focused on one thing. Okay, lots of little things but all focused on this one job, in this one place. And I can feel it. It's starting to catch up with me. Everything moved so quickly during the month of March and April. It was a whirlwind. More like a Tornado. One that picked me up out of Kansas and dropped me in Oz. Or Wonderland. (Where is that darned white rabbit?)

Here I am, plopped in the middle of Southern California and I'm finally starting to feel all the change. Now, I love change. Huge fan of it but change is uncomfortable and unsettling no matter how much you enjoy it. It's like hot sauce or Habanero Peppers that way. You can enjoy them with your food. Even enjoy large quantities and astound your friends but at some point you will have had enough and you will  experience the unmistakable side effects. 

My brain and body are telling me I've overindulged on life changes and am experiencing the side effects. I'm feeling the void that I've created. I needed to create this void. It's where growth is going to happen but it's unmistakable and very uncomfortable. I wouldn't say painful, just uncomfortable and we all know that us American's are very adept at avoiding the uncomfortable. We have entire industries dedicated to ensuring our comfort at every moment. Well, I've decided to let myself feel uncomfortable. To appreciate the experience and just let it happen, whatever comes. How often in life do you get to revel in these kinds of feelings without any real trauma or consequence? It's kind of indulgent when you think about it. I get the benefit of feeling all these feelings of my own making without any apologies for it or any fear of anything bad coming from it.

I'm working on identifying the feelings so I can remember them for storytelling later. (Everything in life should lead to a good story, especially if the feeling is true and you embellish to make the story even better. Stories are like jokes that way. The best ones have a thread of truth in them.)

Mostly I'm missing everyone. Oh, I know your all still out there and I'm so thankful for Facebook, texting and email. Funny thing, most of you I never got to see very often anyway and some of you I actually chat with more now than ever but it's still change and it's still uncomfortable and I'm still feeling what I'm feeling. And I guess that's the point to all of this... I'm feeling things now that I haven't felt in a long time. Loss, excitement, sadness, anticipation... everything. I'm feeling everything, all at once. It's like I've been running as fast as I can for so long that now that I've slowed to change my course, everything is gaining on me and I'm a little overwhelmed by it all.

Maybe that's the way to explain it best... taking on a new workout regimen that works completely different muscles in a different way. You might get through the first time or two just fine but a couple of days later your body reminds you why you needed the change... oh, the aches and cramps in places you didn't know existed. You know it's the creation of new muscles in new places and it'll transform you and make you even stronger but your going to be uncomfortable for a while.

Making way for the new

This weekend, I'm working on making room for the "new" but it's not without it's intrapersonal challenges (meaning "within myself").

Today's first challenge - I'm still shedding my old Seattle tendencies.

It's amazingly sunny and warm outside today. The pool (off my back porch) is alive with a bunch of kids swimming and playing. It's awesome. I'm inside with all (both) the windows open, enjoying the sun and the sounds. No TV or radio. Just the sounds of people enjoying themselves. It feels a lot like vacation (or what I imagine vacation would feel like). My old Seattle tendency is to run out and enjoy it because it never lasts long enjoy. In Seattle the sun is so rare and tomorrow could very likely be grey, cold and rainy AGAIN.  Rather than give into this urge to run out and exhaust myself trying to soak it up quickly, I'm reminding myself that I actually live here.

Yes, I have to tell myself that all the time...."I actually live here." I don't seem to believe it quite yet. It's like Costco or the airlines are going to call me any minute and ask me where the hell I am. I'm late for work or a flight or something and need to get my ass "home" to Seattle right away. That's when the self-therapy starts... but "I actually live HERE."

Honestly, I need to give myself a break. My sister went home last Saturday. Yes, it's only been 7 days (... 7 blurry days) that I've been here on my own. The days she spent here were like vacation so I can't count those and honestly I can't count Sat - Tues cause it wasn't reality either. So... it's been 3 days of real life in S. CA. Guess I can give myself a break for it still feeling weird after only 3 days.

Anyway... so rather than feel guilty that I'm not out playing in all the sunshine today, I'm reminding myself that it's only April. Summer is coming and I have a lot to adjust to and organize around here before I get distracted by all the frivolity going on in the area.

For context - The Newport Beach Film Festival starts this weekend, I was invited to go out boating this afternoon (passed), I have a surprise birthday party to attend tonight (going) and tomorrow night I'm having dinner with some new acquaintances (ok...I like dinner).

Did I mention I've been here about a week, been at my job 3 days and really don't know anyone who lives here, except casually? Apparently nobody has to worry about me being lonely living here. Wow!!

So, I'm hunkering down and dealing with the remaining distractions from my past life. Or, more accurately, clearing out those things I thought I needed or wasn't ready to deal with until now. Mind you, it's not physical stuff. I cleared most of that out over the last 12 months as I've downsized and moved repeatedly. It's digital stuff or mental stuff. It's ideas and organizations that continue to pull on my mental energy but don't really serve the direction that I'm taking my life.

And it's pervasive...
And it's insidious...
And it's got to go...

So here's the plan so far:

Step 1 - Ridding myself of all the online "junk mail" that I don't need. (Mental freedom!!)
Step 2 - Finally dealing with the last lingering chore I have to take care of to be a California resident - my drivers license and register my car. Ugh. (Appointment for Thursday. Check!)
Step 3 - Review all this life stuff that keeps piling up in my mailbox (medical (old & new), 401(k) rollovers, etc.) Lots of little things with timelines that I can't put off too long or it just becomes an even bigger issue. I just have to open the envelopes and deal. Maybe I'll treat myself to a box of wine and just get down to it next to the pool?

Because I'm basically an overgrown 12 year old, I can't handle more than 3 things at a time. Never have been able to. (Yes, 3 is a magic number for all my fellow Schoolhouse Rock fans.) So I'll just start there and knock one off the list before I add any more.

You know everything I ever learned was from television so as my friends Rudolph, Hermie and Yukon Cornelius sang, "Just put one foot in front of the other" and I'll get there eventually.

Luckiest Girl in the World

After my first day on the job, all I can say is ... this is going to be so much fun. Great people working towards a common goal based on a very inspiring vision. Does it get any better than that? I don't think so. 

They put together a very inspiring video about we are. (We... makes me giggle a little.) 

Here's a link. Enjoy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOw49owb5zE&feature=youtu.be

First day of school

Tomorrow is my first day of school... at least that's what it should feel like.

Actually, while tomorrow is my official first day, I've already spent many hours in the new office getting acclimated to the new environment and acquainted with the new team. A great group of people all focused on the same goal - to change the world one small purchase at a time.

My little team has a big responsibility and we're hitting the ground running. Several tours and trips planned, new items to create and new relationships to develop. It's all very exciting and there is a lot to do but we're all up for the task and looking forward to having a good time while we do it.

This all seems so vague for the night before my first day but with about 12 hours already logged in at the office, I think it's just time for bed.

Much more to come. Promise.
S.

Dear Bobbie,  

As always, you are full of good ideas and you're latest, that I should start blogging again, is yet another good one in a long standing run.  Here goes...

An interstitial chapter is one that connects two unrelated chapters. It doesn't relate to either chapter on it's own and the two chapters don't relate directly to each other either but the interstitial chapter holds them together. Think of it as a link between two things that really stand alone but need to be next to each other. They use this term in the medical field as well to describe connective tissue between organs. It doesn't really make either organ function and the heart doesn't directly relate to the function of the stomach but the interstitial tissue keeps them in their relative positions. Whew... Bobbie, are you sure you want me to start doing this again? Maybe I'm just out of practice. 

So, my brief moment of unemployment comes to end on Wednesday and I'll be heading into "Book 2". That's what it feels like. A whole new book of me. A whole new opportunity to decide who I'm going to become next. New geography, new job, new co-workers, new industry, new...new... new. Really, the only thing that remains the same are the few boxes of things I brought with me and my Jeep. Honestly, the only thing that feels constant and predictable right now is my Jeep. It's all good but uncomfortable. Just what I need right now. 

On Wednesday, I'll officially start Book 2 and keep my blog updated with my adventures and discoveries.      There is so much to discover in So Cal and that's just the sites and geography. I'm really looking forward to the self-discovery that I'm expecting to encounter over the next several days, weeks, months, etc. It's feels a lot like going off to college. Everything is possible and I only have to bring with me those things, traits, etc. that I want to. The second they don't work anymore, I can jettison them for new experiences, ideas, etc. It's all so exciting. 

Stay tuned for Chapter 1 later this week. 

S. 

For my next trick...

It's time to plan another vacation and I'm thinking this one is going to be a run down the I-5 corridor to sights yet undetermined. That will take me right down the entire length of the West Coast, ending up in San Diego and then venturing back.

Stay posted for a map of possibilities and the call for everyone's favorites. Who knows where I'll end up, the adventures I'll have and the people I'll meet along the way. New friends, old friends - will be good to hit the road and once again remind myself how much bigger the world is than my tiny little corner.

Snow Storm... Day 2

Technology has made the world so small and things like geography and weather less disruptive than ever. Yesterday, we were snowed out of the office but the business kept rolling in large part due to remote access and cell phones. We were all able to stay in contact with one another, account for everyone's safety and keep our scheduled calls with those out of towners who never knew the difference.

Today it's even more obvious the power of the web, cell, etc. With overnight freezing of all the snow and slush, driving is treacherous and power is out all over. However, we are able to keep tabs on each other via text and cell...at least until our batteries run dry. I'm thankful to know my friends and family are safe this morning and while they might go silent for a while, I'm confident that they are safe until the power comes back on and they light up my phone with texts of their adventures.

Stay safe everyone.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Renton, WA

Let it snow?

Weirdest weather day. Lots of fat flakes in Renton but nothing sticking. Kirkland was buried by noon. Issaquah, the gateway to Snoqualmie Pass and big skiing... NOTHING. The occasional flurry but mostly rain.

They are predicting 6-10 inches in Issaquah tomorrow and dusting in Renton. Time will tell. Stay tuned.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

New Toy

I'm determined to figure out all these digital toys and how they can make my life easier...or more integrated...or at least more interesting.

The blogger app from Google was awful so I deleted it long ago and have been without a handheld interface. I don't carry my laptop anymore (it's become a glorified DVD player and substitute TV as well as back up device), so it's been difficult to post to my blog easily.

I came across this 3rd party app so we'll give it another try. Stay tuned for the verdict.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Renton, WA