From 30,000 feet.

In my last blog, I told you I was frequent traveler. Well, in this
entry, I'm writing from 30,000 feet. Maybe I should change the name of
this blog to "companies that get "it" and those that don't" or "Heads
up corporate America - you don't get it". Or perhaps to some sort of
clever travel blog name. "Blog from the airhog". Not so clever. I think
I'll stick with what I have for now.

The people who make business decisions must have decided to stop being
customers. Does anybody in the airline (beyond the pilots and flight
attendants) actually ever fly their airline? I don't mean in first
class with the flight attendants kissing their posteriors the whole
way. I'm talking about sitting in coach, in the last row in the aisle
seat next to the bathroom door so s/he could smell the smells that come
from that area. I want them to get on the plane hungry and have to pay
for the stuff they call food on airlines. Fast Food tends to be better
than some of the stuff on the plane. Even if the food were any good,
you're crammed in so tight you can't actually enjoy it. The guy in
front of you has decided to put his seat back and is now crushing your
knees. There is no room to put down your tray so you can spread out
your food, or even work on the crossword puzzle you brought with you.

S/he should take several flights, different days of the week, at
different times of the day so they can really get to know all the
different types of customers that are paying good money to be starved,
crammed into crazy small spaces, and served incredibly dry recycled air
for the duration of the flight.

The decision maker should go on a Monday morning 6 am flight from any
large metropolitan airport to another large metropolitan airport. They
will be surrounded by business people traveling lean and mean who just
want to sleep. The plane will take off, the cabin lights will dim and a
1/2 hour into this power nap, the pilot will come blaring on to tell
the entire (was) sleeping plane that if there weren't so many clouds in
the way, the 1/6 of the passengers who happen to be on the proper side
of the plane next to the window would be able to see Salt Lake City,
UT. Of course, due to the clouds, they can't see anything and even if
there weren't any clouds, from 30,000 feet, it just looks like some
kids play set with tiny cars running around a grid. Now that you're all
awake, they'll start the beverage service.

Yes, yes - you're being blasted with dry recirculated air and the
inside of your nose feels like the Sahara Desert but the airline
industry is broke so you get 4 oz. of soda and 1 ice cube along with a
1/2 oz. bag of pretzels or equivalent dry, salty snack. (Who cares that
your ticket cost $450. Another 35 cents would kill our bottom line.)
You better pace yourself. You won't be getting another 4 oz. unless the
flight is over 2 hours long. You can ask for the whole can but is it
really worth the amount of attitude the flight attendant (FA) is going
to throw your way both when s/he hands it over and when they come back
to pick up the garbage? Don't forget. If you take the whole can, you
better finish it all. There are thirsty people in Antarctica who would
give anything for that quarter of a can of Diet Coke that you didn't
finish. Since you're trapped, you better be done with it when they are
ready for you to be done with it. They have People magazines to read in
the back and are not going to come running down the aisle just to clear
your garbage. You should have thought of that before we took off.

If you are the unlucky sot stuck in the bulkhead row immediately behind
first class (often row 4 or 6), don't even think about using the first
class commode. We realize that it's the closest pee-seat to where you
are sitting but the 8 or 12 people in first class have paid good money
(or flown a lot of miles) to get to have their own bathroom. Now haul
your rear end past the 30 rows of other common class customers to the 2
port-o-johns with the urine speckled floors that are designated for you
to share with the other 180 people on this plane. Yes, we realize the
70 year old woman who was in there before you has a touch of something
that has fouled the air but we've got those little urinal cakes mounted
about the fans to help with this. (Now you know why I want the guy/gal
seated just outside. S/he needs to get a load of that stench first hand
to appreciate all it has to offer.)

No movie for this flight. That would cost money and we're not sure if
we have the cash flow to get you home, let alone let you watch a movie.
(I'm trying to remember what airline I was on that wasn't even showing
first run movies the last time I gave them my business. They were
showing movies that were old and moldy on video. I think they were
showing Pirates of the Caribbean or something like that. Something that
I've owned for a year or more. Crazy. Guess that's one way to save
money. Pick up some used DVD on eBay and show it on the airplane.
That's really all they have done. They have removed the VCR that used
to be attached to the video monitors and replaced it with DVD players.
They store easier and don't get damaged as easily. Next, they'll have
hard drives - but they'll have to charge you more. I actually saw an ad
in the airport for a foreign carrier that has WiFi in the airplane. I'm
not sure how they do it but that certainly goes to show you that it can
be done, even if our US Carriers don't want to be competitive and try
to lure their customers with things that matter to them - like comfort,
or on time arrival. Leave it to some 3rd world country to make it
happen. Then our domestic carriers will wonder where their business
went. I'm waiting for the Jet Blue concept to catch one. Everyone has a
first class seat and is treated like their business and time is
valuable. I haven't had the opportunity to try their service yet but
I'm looking forward to the day that I get the chance.

We'll we're 45 minutes from landing so I have to put my seat back and
tray table in their full upright and lock positions. I also have to
turn off my laptop. We wouldn't want anything to happen to it during
landing.

Thank you for flying "Sandblog" this evening. Next time you have a blog
to read, we hope you choose "Sandblog".

:)